B-log my World

Virtual la Vida Loca

2012-02-16T00:04:00.003+08:00

I had my mind set to return to Manila in April, when I got home after my 5 month stint abroad. To fill the lull between jobs, I applied for and was taken in for an online job. The plan was to work a few months, 3 max while I wait for that perfect opportunity to return to the arms of the concrete jungle.

The project extended all the way til mid-January. And then unemployment. In that lull, I was inspired to pick up where I left off with my small business. I read Rich Dad, Poor Dad more carefully this time. And it hit me -- do I really want to be an employee all my life and live on a fixed wage? No.

The book that launched a thousand entrepreneurs

But while I restart my business, I'm happily back into the arms of another online client. But this time, the money I get from this will not go to eat outs or another pair of pumps. It's going to the business. I'll use money to make money.

I feel real fortunate for the opportunity to do something I'm good at and get good money for. My real fortune is the time I have to pursue other endeavors--like my radio show, my small business and soon -- organizing trips to Sagada.

I'm excited. I feel that this is THE year to get the business going.

It's More Fun in the Phili-funs

2012-01-12T10:30:00.001+08:00

My take on the DOT campaign. All pics are mine. From my trusty point and shoot. :D

Of Petitions and On-line indignation

2012-01-11T12:27:00.001+08:00

I've had online presence since I put up my website in "geocities" . Which is to say, more than a decade.

I've had my own share of silly and embarrassing post and comments, and of course my own share of online indignation. Which is to say, I've been one of those desktop revolutionaries who believed that the click is more powerful than the placard or personal appearance in protests and such.

A few days ago, a petition surfaced in Baguio, protesting the cutting of trees to make way for more parking space in SM. Personally (and I hope to be proven wrong), I don't think a petition would do it. Maybe tree hugging would. Maybe more vigilant leaders would. Weren't they elected to act in the residents' behalf for the good of all mankind? :D

I have chosen to hug my trees in other ways. My not signing the petition is not an indication of indifference. I'd like to take my indignation off-line and be more pro-active than reactive (which I think the petition is). Which is to say -

I will buy local. For doing such reduces my carbon footprint.
I have been and will continue to bring my own bag when shopping.
Go straw-less with my drinks lest I add more plastic to the dump

Signed and Sealed,

Carpe Diem

2012-01-03T09:33:00.003+08:00

The past 2 weeks was a blur. I started with a gig in Ilocos -- hosting an Aegis mini-concert and a huge wedding party.For two days, I stayed at a beach front resort in the coastal town of Magsingal, Ilocos Sur. While waiting for call times and show times, I managed to do some on-line work and take breaks walking along the shore. Needless to say , my stay was nothing short of pleasant. "Pleasant" doesn't even do it.

After Ilocos, I took an 11-hour butt numbing commute to the big city, where I stayed for 8 days before heading North again. While there, I spent half of the time on commute, and the other in malls. Mall-nila. That's how I shall call it from this day on. Now, I wonder why in the world would I ever want to go back there to live afer all these many beautiful places I lived in. I do love hunting and gathering (aka shopping) but a Sagada realization comes back to mind. The less you want, the freer you become.

And this is probably why a crazy idea comes into mind once more. For my birthday, I brought fam and friends to surf and kick back in lovely San Juan, La Union. There was one moment when I was on the board, marveling at the sunset while I was waiting for a wave to ride. No wonder surfers have this cool vibe. They understand what life is all about. No, really , they do. Life is meant to be enjoyed -- to the fullest.

So, what's the crazy idea? If I still have this good-paying online job that I have right now, I'd like to-- I want to-- I am thinking of -- staying in San Juan for a month. Bask in the sun, sand and surf. I'm thinking that this probably is the purpose of my on-line, flexi and mobile job --- to have time for other pursuits and enjoy life to the fullest. :)

That my friends, is life. Live it.

Grateful

2011-11-08T09:53:00.001+08:00

So it is true.

Rather than obsess on the things you don't have

Enjoy the ones you do have

So it is true.

Rather than be sad for an ending

Be thankful that it happened

I'm grateful for many things. Often I become so obsessed with the lack of and miss out on enjoying what I do have. A grateful heart works wonders for the soul.

Method of Forgetting

2011-08-01T15:53:00.002+08:00

The mind is an amazing thing-- capable of storing memories stowed away in the recesses of time.

Many offer methods of remembering. Eager test takers and mind freaks find this useful.

However, what I wish now is not to remember.

I wish there were a method of forgetting.

Tried and tested.

Quick and instant.

Fashionalism Schmationalism

2011-07-05T20:40:00.000+08:00

It's all over. Sun rays on shirts, flag inspired colors, jackets bearing the country's name, Rizal wearing aviator sunglasses and so on.

People seem to believe that nationalism is something you wear or it's something you tweet or support a fella with even the litttlest hint of Philippine ancestry,no matter how talentless or common his/her talents may be.

But let's dwell on wearing nationalism. It is perhaps, by far, the shallowest manifestation of nationalism. I see people jaywalking in their Filipino pride shirts, state workers stealing from public funds in their Barong Tagalog, out of school kids in their Rizal garb. You call that nationalism?

Pffft.

A week ago I saw a lady who patiently waited for her turn to cross the street. It was hot, no vehicles were passing, everybody else was crossing. But she stood there, adamant, strong in her resolve that she will only cross the street when the pedestrian light turns green. That, my friends, speak louder than the loudest statement shirt.

Taking it easy.

2011-06-30T18:29:00.000+08:00

This time a year ago, I was probably swamped with work, coming in at 7am and home at 9pm. Then, twice a week, I'd go home at 10, after attending my grad school class.

I'd have stacks of paper to grade, tests to make, classes to attend, classes to teach, papers to write, a Sunday school class to teach, a radio show to host, lessons to prepare, plus a thrice a week tutoring session.

Today I have none of those.

I've been living a pretty carefree life after I've gotten back from my teaching gig abroad. I'm living on my savings and my father's kindness. Don't get me wrong. I've also worked for full time for one week, then got laid off today.

I guess I'll be in laid back mode longer.

Yes, I have it easy. Don't hate me.

Kinse

2011-06-26T23:28:00.002+08:00

I lost my mother to cancer when I was 14. That was 15 years ago. I was 8 or 9 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Since then, every summer (that I remember), she'd be in chemotherapy, or if not, going after a cure--whether it be a healing priest, a Japanese food supplement or a change in diet.

Then in the summer of 1996, she was brought to the hospital. If I remember it right, the cancer has metastasized--which means, has spread elsewhere in her body. My siblings, my father and I, took turns looking after her at the hospital. She was there for weeks, even maybe more than a month. There were no signs of improvement.

We decided to take her home. Each night I prayed that years of my life be added to hers. Visitors came to our house everyday. That summer, we would at least average 10 or maybe even more a week. She was always in pain--which was relieved, although temporarily with medication. Slowly, her bodily functions disintegrated. She was too weak to do anything for herself. Later on, she slowly lost her sense of hearing. Communication became difficult. Writing for her, was difficult too, since the pain had radiated to her arms. Weeks later, her sight weakened. I remember her saying there was like a black spot in her vision. This made communication even harder.

My father hired a nurse when my sibs and I went to back to school. The nurse reported some "improvement" but none of it was significant. I remember waking up early for school one day, with my lolo praying with her. He spoke in their native dialect and mama seemed to have heard everything and seemed to translate it to English.

A few days before she died, we had friends come to hold a "family home evening" at our house . A message was given to us--perhaps preparing us for the inevitable. They then went to my mother in her room. I was told that she kept asking for the time and when asked why, she said, that "they" had been already waiting outside the "gate" for a long time and was anxious to finally have the "gate" opened.

She died a few days after. I remember coming home with my father that night and collapsing to bed as soon as I've gotten to my room. It was one of my brothers who woke me up with the news. Though we had time to "prepare" for this, no one anticipated the kind of emotion this event brought. We gathered around in prayer and just let it sink in. I remember my sister playing "Gone" on the piano that night. Calls were made and soon we had relatives and friends with us.

My memory, of course is not perfect. After all it has been 15 long years.

A friend asked me if I would the same person had she not died. I honestly do not know how to answer that question. But I know for sure that had it not been for her, I would not be the person I am right now. I wouldn't be as intimidating, un-athletic, long-limbed, beautiful(yes, I had to say this), smart(assed), germphobic and funny had it not been for her.

So Ma, (I'm not gonna say whereever you are, 'cause I know where she is), thank you. Thank you for your strength -- as you fought your battles in life, for your own unique way of showing your love for me, for 14 years of memories, for all the teeth you pulled, for the trips to Anabel, for the panties I get every Christmas, for not using food colored ingredients, for the books and magazines, for the cases of Pepsi that you hoped would've won us a fortune. Thank you, Ma. I miss you. I love you.

Maling Akala

2011-06-24T11:29:00.001+08:00

It never fails to fascinate me when people have mistaken impressions of me. My lazy mood today is behind the bulleted mode of writing.

* In line at the Manila airport, en route to Honolulu, 2 girls (who soon became my friends) thought me and my trav companion were Polynesians. Said one to the other " Those are Polynesians. That's how they look like."

* Getting food at the cafeteria, a Melanesian man approached me, smiling from ear to ear and speaking to me in his native tongue.

* Talking with some girls at the end of a class, a blonde girl tells me " No offense, but you talk like someone from L.A."

* At work, a fellow guide tells me " No way you're Filipino, you must be from New York or something."

* At work, a colleague reveals he thought I was with the group from the Canadian company who came to set up an account in our company.

* After a yoga class, a fascinated yogi comes up to me and says " I swear , you sound like any one of my friends in L.A. You don't sound Filipino at all."

* At a souvenir shop in Boracay, the sales lady persisted with talking to me in English even if I were alreaedy talking to her in Tagalog.

* At an inn in Sagada, I transacted my business in Ilokano, the attendant persisted to talk to me in English.

* In Bangkok, a saleslady talks to me in Thai. Said I was pretty like Thai women like her. I ended up buying 7 items from her store.

* The HR Manager from a school I was employed thought I was a Math teacher because I "looked bright".

* At work, a colleague invites me to join a badminton competition because I struck her as athletic.

* I went to enroll my then 16 year old brother to his high school -- attendant asks, " Is he your son?" I was 22.

* Student comes up to me asks if I were married, I say no, he says he can't believe it.

* A friend of mine jokes I was a single mom and was leaving Burma to take care of my child in the Philippines. My colleagues believed her.

* Sitting at my father's clinic, a patient asks, " Is she your wife?"

* At at celebration, I asked my brother to take a picture of me with some ladies. Says one, " Is he your husband?"

* Walking down with friends on the streets of Bangkok, I was approached three times being offered to watch a ping pong show. I suppose I looked like one of the usual patrons. Neither of my friends were offered the same.

21st Century Living

2011-06-21T15:57:00.000+08:00

One of the very many wonders of technology is how people can make money just by owning a laptop, having some skills and internet connection.

I resolve to be a 21st century citizen. Soon, all my transactions, personal or professional will be online. Bits and pieces of my life floating in that great big white cloud of virtual memory or whatever it's called.

Information Overload

2011-06-20T17:18:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, I decided to go on FB detox. This means I deactivated my account, which means, comment threads I was a part of will look silly. It also means that I have no access to my newsfeed, which means, I would not know who had to be called to work at on odd time, who's having a hard time dealing with a broken heart, what someone thinks about her coworker or who thinks how wonderful it is to be a mom.

I just had enough. There was too much information FB was giving me about my friends that I don't even need to ask how they're doing--they probably will just ask me to look at their albums and scroll down their old status messages.

I signed up for FB in 2007 to see how an old college crush was doing. (He got married 3 weeks after I signed up.) I stuck around since most of my college friends were away and FB gave us a fun and easy way to interact. I had less than 50 friends for a year, and I was happy. But lo and behold! Four years after, I have everyone on FB. To date, I think I have about 340. I probably would have thousand if I kept all of those I added and accepted all the requests. But do I really want to share my life to 1000 people? Do they really give a fudge of what's on my mind? Probably not. Thus, the detox.

Breakfast dates - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

2011-06-05T19:45:00.001+08:00

Breakfast dates - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

Youngblood
Breakfast dates

By Paula Abjelina
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 23:10:00 02/11/2011

Filed Under: Family

MY MOTHER is a night person. She roams the house at night, looking for things to do, bills to pay, thoughts to write. I’ve always assumed that it’s because she grew up with seven other siblings in a very crowded household. When you’re surrounded by people all the time, the odd hours between midnight and daybreak serve as sanctuary. It’s the time when thoughts come together and you can be free to just be. Mom relishes these moments.
When I was a teenager, I would wake up in the wee hours to find light filtering from our family room into my bedroom. If I got up from bed, I would see my mother sitting at the messy wooden table and writing. Sometimes she would be tapping furiously on a calculator. Sometimes she would be browsing through unfiled photos (back when they were actually filed in boxes). Other times she would be decorating. Or, on the weirdest of evenings, she would even be cooking something.
I would hear her walking around, thinking out loud, sometimes singing quietly. The shuffling of her feet would lull me back into slumber.
There were times when she would forget what hour it was and wake me up to ask the most inane questions (“Anak, did you turn off the kitchen light/feed the dog/wish your lola a happy birthday?”). Then she would climb back into the bed she shared with my father at 3 in the morning.
Now, my father is a morning person. Since he grew up in a sleepy Batangas town, he is accustomed to early starts. When we were much younger, he would reprimand us for not waking up early. He viewed sleeping in as a sin, a grave offense to the very nature of humanity. “Mga tamad lang ang hindi gumigising ng maaga (Only lazy people don’t wake up early),” he would admonish us in heavily accented Tagalog, an affectation he reserved for such occasions.
Throughout his professional life, he kept the habit of getting up at 5 o’ clock, mainly because he was so used to it, but also because of geography. We lived in a house that was so inaccessible that my classmates in the university would joke that they needed to dial long-distance just to talk to me. If he didn’t leave at 6, his daily drive to work would take twice as long (and thrice as stressful).
His trusty brown alarm clock would blare loud music at 5 a.m. on the dot, and it was always set to his favorite AM station (“Oh yes, it’s Neil Ocampo!”). Dad would hit snooze, take a quick look at the green numbers on its familiar black screen, then bolt to the bathroom. He was engineered to be efficient, and he would have showered and dressed in under 20 minutes every day. Then he’d be sitting at the breakfast table, expecting his coffee, at exactly 15 minutes before 6.
Here’s what amazes me: Every single morning, for over 25 years, my mother, the Night Owl, would eat breakfast with my father, the Morning Person. They would sit there at the slippery “breakfast nook” (as my Dad gleefully named it the same day we moved into our house), and eat breakfast, like it wasn’t a miracle that they actually found a pocket of time to eat together.
My mother, operating on two hours of sleep, would orchestrate the meal. It was almost always the same: fried rice, some kind of breakfast meat, eggs, fresh coffee.
I would come down each morning to find my father reading the paper while inhaling his coffee (like a true Batangueño), while my mother spewed random comments about a variety of subjects (ranging from Gretchen Barreto to the state of the nation). They would argue heatedly, laugh heartily, eat even more heartily. Bad days, good days, rainy days, sunny days, it didn’t matter. My mother would always have breakfast with my father.
Of course, after everyone was where he should be (work, school, dog cages, etc.), she would crawl back into bed. But for her, the important thing was that my Dad would have his favorite meal of the day with his wife.
I once asked my mom why she did what she was doing, and she simply answered: “Because that is what love is.”
We live in a world where ends of relationships are treated as mere tabloid fodder, and wearing your heart on your sleeve is considered an invitation to open mockery. Love has been reduced to a word used to market toothpaste or perfume, a tool for selling cinema tickets and books of the chick-lit kind. We have become so jaded, so cynical that we fail to recognize that love—in its simplest and purest form—exists in the places that most screenwriters edit out of movie scripts.
It exists in bleak hospital rooms, where the sick are held by the ones who wish them to be well.
It exists in bus queues, where the harried and the stressed impatiently wait for dinner with their children after a long day.
It exists in short text messages from a worried sister, the ones that remind you to please lock the apartment door before you leave.
It exists in cars, where people sing out loud the songs for the ones they silently love.
It exists in empty churches that compel even the most hardened individuals to speak to their Maker.
In exists in many lunch boxes.
It exists in small smiles.
It exists in petty arguments.
It exists in dropped phone calls.
It exists in cups of coffee.
It exists in elevator rides.
It exists in sighs.
It exists in mid-morning thoughts.
It exists in private jokes.
It exists in ugly, uncinematic crying.
It exists in the quiet before you sleep.
It exists in our breakfast table. Each day, for as long as my mother loves my father, and my father loves her back.
I was blessed to have witnessed a love like this in my lifetime, and I pray that in your lifetime all of you will find it too.
(For Aileen Laforteza-Madrigal, and Kyle—the love of her life. And my parents, who taught me how to love breakfast.)
Paula Abjelina, 26, is a senior accounts director in a Makati firm.

why i dont really give a fudge about the royal wedding

2011-04-29T20:50:00.001+08:00

i know. me writing about it now means i care.

but not really.

a couple of years ago on a holiday in sydney, i was hyped to get the chance to finally see the sydney opera house and count down the new years by the harbor.

the day came that i did. i was amazed, sure. but after 10 seconds of amazement, i was like, now what?

such are my feelings towards the royal wedding. after the hype, then now what? what does it have to do with me?

thus i stopped caring.

because im cool like that

23 January 2011 ( Notes from Burma)

2011-04-17T22:26:00.002+08:00

I think part of what makes us human is our ability to mourn for our dead in ways that can be fascinating or mystifying or a little of both.

I attended one too many funerals in my lifetime. It’s amazing how each of those I’ve attended is different from the other. A coworker’s father’s wake served pasta, kept warm in chafing dishes while the mourners sit on expensively upholstered chairs inside a softly lit chapel filled with wreaths of all shapes and sizes. The mourners visit with the dead’s loved ones oblivious of the number of times the story of death was told.

This is in sharp contrast of my grandmother’s wake. Several pigs, dogs, chicken and cattle were slaughtered to feed the village that seemed to eat all of their daily meals at the departed’s. At night, mourners gather and do a little dance around the coffin while someone leads the chant with the rest joining the chorus. The body is buried and the casket is made to flow on the river.

Today, I attended former student’s burial. Steven was 8. After showing up at their house, we were led to a big restaurant and served a seven course meal. After lunch, we returned to their house and joined the funeral march to the cemetery. While the casket was being lowered, the relatives burnt cardboard houses and vehicles believing these things will be restored to him in the next life. Paper money were also burned so Steven can have some cash to spend in his next life. Steven is Chinese and Buddhist.

I guess one thing that makes us human is how we mourn for our dead. No matter what part of the world we are, we all are bound by our ability to grieve and even make rituals to honor our beloved dead. Fascinating, this is.

5 November 2010 ( Notes from Burma)

2011-04-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

My Continuing Ejumacation

A degree in anything, whether it be an AB, BA, BS, MA, MS or a PhD pales in comparison with things you learn when you get out of your comfort zone. Yes, this is the excuse I give why I still have not gotten an MA degree. I wish I could just show pictures from places I’ve been to, write an essay about it and get scholastic credit for it. My miles should make up for it. Well, at least in my book, it should.

Make no mistake. I value my education, formal or otherwise but I’ve come to realize that a couple of years in school would give you skills, some competencies and all that, but really, how much of that can you use in haggling with a Chinese speaking vendor or can help you understand food labels written in a different script?

PS. That’s a rhetorical question.

6 November 2010 ( Notes from Burma)

2011-04-17T21:53:00.001+08:00

When I was in Burma, I couldn't access my blog thus I'm posting some of the stuff I wrote while I was there. I'm posting it for posterity's sake. The internet after all, is forever.

Thankful

I have taken so many things for granted living in a free country. It took me a decade after I turned 18 before I registered to vote, I’ve never joined a street protest nor have I founded a religion. I’ve taken for granted all these freedoms until had them taken from me.

Home to many magnificent beaches, rich natural resources, free press, and Manny Pacquiao (although we also have 20+ typhoons each year and Kris Aquino), the Philippines seems to be taking the slow, long and winding road to development. Nevertheless, it has blazed the trail for democracy this part of the world. What other country in South East Asia can you get away with a Facebook fanpage dedicated to solicit relationship advice for its head of State? Meanwhile in Burma, “home to some of the most oppressed people on earth” (according to a recent Time article), a general singlehandedly decides to change denominations in nines because it is believed auspicious.

It took some thousand miles and bad internet connection before I realized what I had.

I like to be scared sometimes

2010-10-17T21:28:00.002+08:00

In a few days

I will embark in a new adventure

I'm excited and scared at the same time.

There, I said it.

changing fluorescent tubes

2010-07-29T21:56:00.003+08:00

the last time i had the fluorescent tube on my room changed with the help of my dad, a realization dawned on me. i was too old to have my dad do that for me so i left home and went on an adventure to the big city then to the mountains.

then i returned home.

then my my fluorescent tube got busted again.

then i had it changed.

i really think the universe is trying to tell me something. it spoke thru my busted fluorescent tube.

how can i not take that seriously?

brain fart

2010-06-05T22:01:00.002+08:00

when a tweet cannot say it all, the blog saves the day.

it's hard to put in words all the feelings i have inside me so let me put it in a song.

nah.forgeddit.

it's tough when you put yourself into something that your heart is not into. so for the next few months, even years--- the challenge is for me to learn how to love and appreciate what i have chosen to do.

now you can stop reading.

To My Former Professional English Students

2009-02-17T20:08:00.003+08:00

Over the years, I've gotten a couple of emails asking for help on their resumes. I did put some helpful tips and links on this blog before but absent-mindedly deleted them. You're on your own now. :-D. From this point on, I realize that all I can do is sit, wait and hope for the best for all of you. Ciao!

But hey, since you guys were so nice to me, here are a couple of websites you might find useful.

How to Make Cover Letters
http://www.vpul.upenn.edu/careerservices/nursing/jobhandbookindex.html

Resume Guide (PDF , I recommend you print this out)
www.son.jhmi.edu/resources/career/center/documents/resume_guide.pdf

2008 in a nutshell

2009-01-09T20:22:00.002+08:00

if people were to ask me how 2008 came along for me, i wouldn't really know how to answer it...
2008 became a year of many changes, mostly addresses and job titles though...last year's adventure took me to the mountains and led me to live a life of austerity.

changes require adjustments and adjust i did...i was used to teaching college age students thus when i stepped into the high school classroom for the first time, it was an odd feeling to say the least...it was a whole new ball game...this time, i no longer just teach them, i'm supposed to reach out to them and guide them, be friends with them---all that for a solid 10 months unlike college's 4 month long semester...i had to adjust to the food or the unavailability of it, for the most part...fresh meat wasnt always available, and if it were, it wouldnt be affordable for me...i remember when i shared an apartment with a colleague in manila, we actually had a maid at home...and there were just two of us...life was easy...food was always prepared...nothing to really worry about except earning enough to sustain that lifestyle...

2008 indeed was a year of changes...toward the end of the year, i also decided it was time for another change...

its no secret that i am leaving school by the end of the school year although of course, this isnt something i openly discuss to colleagues or students...

so i am...and this time, no solid plans about what i want to do next...its one of those other changes im doing...i dont plan anymore...i just wait for things to happen in between plans i make...

lets see how that works out for 2009...

The Wild

2008-08-02T10:05:00.005+08:00

Another Import

This was a piece I wrote for my College School Paper months after I have graduated.

What I Should’ve Known Before my Return to the Wild

Now that you’ve read what it feels like to be out of your mission, let me tell you what life is like out of BYUH. This is something all of you undergrads will eventually have to step into—the wild, more popularly known as the real world. Coming back to the wild, I noticed a lot of changes. I also realized that the green pastures can be found within the wild. These are some of the things I should have known before my return to the wild.

Like any other senior, I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do after graduation. Asked what my plans are, I often say “Go back home, eat, drink and be merry!” followed by a roll of laughter and a muffled “grad school while teaching I guess”. I never really knew that the road toward my dream was not easy. So the day that I finally have to leave BYUH came. After three straight long years, I packed my bags and headed home. Three years I tell you is long enough to watch my little grade school brother metamorphose into a lanky high school senior, enough time for my once electricity-deprived ghetto transform to a respectable suburb and most importantly, it was enough time for me graduate and face my usual way of life, the real world.

You see, BYUH is so much different from where I am from. .I’m from a geographically small city with huge population of half a million people. I live in a suburb where six out of ten families have members working abroad. I live in a predominantly Catholic community, where home teaching sounds more like home schooling. It’s a place where LDS make up a small, insignificant fraction of the population. As such, people have different sets of beliefs and priorities, where life is fast paced and unpredictable. This is my real world, this is the wild where I now live in. This is my story.

Right as I stepped out of the airport, I was overwhelmed with a thousand feelings (well, two was more like it). I wanted to run out as fast as I can to meet my family but at the same time, I wanted to book the next flight to Hawaii and get out of there quick! Well, I did the former. Driving down the streets for Manila I read billboards that promised "whiter, fairer skin in just three weeks". Then as we ascended the roads leading to my hometown , I saw schools with huge banners that read “ Nursing Course now available. Follow your dream to go abroad”. Slowly, the first realization sunk in. Not only did the animals in the wild want to look different, they also want to leave the wild for greener pastures. My first public appearance at my hometown was at a local stake center. I had all sorts of welcome greetings all the way from “ I commend you for going home” all the way to “ What in the world were you thinking and you came back here!”. Realization two, for some, I am a hero for returning home, for the majority, I’m just plain stupid. You see, the real world is filled with real people with real dreams, some whose dreams lead them out of the wild in search for greener pastures.

I jumped into the job hunt almost immediately. I worked on my resume right away , tailoring it to the way I was taught in America. Including detailed personal information I thought, was ridiculous. Why would I put my religion, my weight, my height , even my picture in there? Well, it took me some time to realize that an American resume may not impress a local employer. Realization three, people may hire you for how you look like , not your resume. Anyway, within a month, I got a job. A local Korean boarding school hired me as an English tutor. Well, they should, I thought. Besides, I’ve got a TESOL minor and international tutoring experience aside from completing a major in Biology. I took the job thinking I was overqualified for it. Later I found out that they wanted someone who could please the students rather teach them. As such, they let me go before I could even quit. Realization four, in the real world, a diploma is something, but attitude is everything. Anyway, the good thing is , while I worked for them part time, I continued with the job hunt. I applied at local university for a research position. But after a battery of interviews and testing they decided to offer me a teaching position and a grad school scholarship instead. They didn’t really ask me about my transcript as much as they did about my BYUH and PCC experience. Realization five, when a door closes, a window opens. Its much harder to go through window though.

So, here I am, five months back in the wild. Occasionally, I have to face a throng of heckling hyenas who scoff at my decision to return home. But animals like me know that the wild is a promising place.

The point is , the real world is not for the faint hearted. Often, the animals raised in captivity don’t make in the wild. One reason is they tend to forget who they really are and what they can actually do to make it in the wild. Out in the wild, they are overwhelmed with feelings of fear, panic and despair, that often lead to their eventual death.

I have returned to the wild. This is where I belong now. I am no longer bound to my captors. I am no longer protected by them. What I should have known before my return is that out in the wild, there is a patch of green pasture.

giant

2008-08-02T10:04:00.002+08:00

import from my other blog...who reads them anyway...

whoever said that china is a sleeping giant haven't been to the philippines.i've been around enough to know this.this place is just full of potential energy eager to be tapped then be set in furious motion.we are a country of industrious and resilient workers.we are a country of amazing beauty and warmth.but on the other hand,we are also a country of whoremongers (aint sure what it means but it sounds cool)---just as any country is, i suppose....i reckon that each country has its own skeletons in their closet (if yah know what im saying)....some people say life is easier in the philippines, or in the US or in japan or whatever...i think life is as hard anywhere you go....who's to say that a isabela farmer's pest problems is less significant than a bill gates' uh--monopoly suit problems? rising from all these seemingly insourmountable (how the heck do you spell that?) problems shouldn't be difficult if only people have this conviction that they can cause change, that they're not powerless victims of destiny or whatever, that they have the potential to make things better around them...sometimes i feel like doing a jim paredes---yah know just giving up and going away already....but something just keeps me from doing it....sometimes i feel that i'm hit with the pollyana syndrome...yah know like always making lemonade out of lemons...always being optimistic is tiring yah know...sometimes i just feel that i have to just snap out of the dream of changing things around me becuz it aint happening in my lifetime...the philippines is a great place and people are forgetting it, i guess....i know we're far from hopeless.....if only more people believe this,if only my optimism (or naivete :->) were just contagious, this one big sleeping giant should be on its feet soon...

back to the (concrete) jungle for 3 days

2008-07-12T22:51:00.004+08:00

i love going to manila...it reminds me why i left in the first place...hahaha...

seriously, if there's one huge reason to keep going back to manila is the food and the cheap merchandise..other than that, i have huger reasons to keep off manila for the mean time at least...

going back to manila validates the timeliness of my exit...i remember a colleague of mine commenting that it was a good move--economically--or whatever term's right cuz of all the crazy gas and food prices hitting the roof...sagada gives me a sort of immunity to the effects of it...i dont have to get on any sort of transportation to go to work, all have to do is take about 50 steps then im at work--which can also be a pain sometimes...

.

contrasts

2008-06-14T20:03:00.003+08:00

every morning i wake up to the chirping of the birds and yes the fresh pine scented breeze---a sharp contrast from the the awful heat and the vehicle sounds of manila...dont get me wrong..manila's an awesome place...i miss it dearly but nothing compares to the serenity of sagada...it must be me getting old...hahaha...

so here i am a three week resident of what i call sagada, illinois--home of the sagada bulls...i am constantly adjusting to a lot of things...chasing cows off school property proved to be one event that told me--welcome to sagada , baby!...

i hear bull frogs (thus the name sagada bulls :-)) croaking everywhere, i see all sorts of flying insects on our doorstep, landmines everywhere--the kind that make good fertilizers!, and yes the fog that descends the valley i see so clearly from my balcony...i can get used to this i tell myself everyday...

i go to SM almost everyday for food...that's Sagada Market, in case youre wondering...the veggies are cheap, definitely but the grocery items like canned goods and milk makes me want to go vegan..hahaha...trade offs i say...trade offs....while manila offers loads of more affordable pre packed meat--the veggie prices are ridiculous....25 pesos for 2 friggin pieces of green bell pepper...man, i got a kilo for 10 pesos here!....

night life?i've been to three wakes in two weeks...take that!hahaha..i sing "shine jesus shine" to comfort the family of the departed...a few saturdays ago i was in makati spending lots of money to keep myself entertained and distracted!how's that for contrast!haha...

work is work...i teach public speaking, freshman english and eeek---computer..hahaha...

last week i taught someone how to hold a mouse and set-up an email account...i was becoming impatient but my big bro taught me to look at it from a different perspective---i just connected someone to the world!hows that for making a difference...

my students mostly come from sagada and the surrounding areas...but also have a transferee from canada and the ateneo high school in manila...'tis a good mix..

so this is it..the eagle has landed...

when it would take flight, we just don't know...

packing up

2008-05-23T00:06:00.003+08:00

this is one big decision that will either make me or break me...now that ive said that i wonder if i actually said the same thing about moving to manila...i doubt it....

i was prompted to move out of my parent's house because of one very particular event..one night i noticed the flourescent lamp in my room needs to be replaced so i asked my dad's help...while i was watching him work his magic on my lights, i was struck with an awful realization of my situation..well, awful in my eyes, at least...i do not mean to offend others..i realized that i was too old to ask my dad to stuff like that for me...here i am an adult--i may be young but i already am an adult-- still living with my family where I do not take part in paying for any signifcant erm---bills...except for the 500 peso cable bill...

i had no challenges...i can choose not to work and still be fed and sheltered...what a shame i thought to myself--i should be living by my own now....

so a few months after, i find myself in the big city of manila...i always knew i wasn't going to stay here for long...although the amount of clothes i brought from baguio will easily contradict that...i merely wanted to try out the manila life...well, i also wanted to try working for a corporate corporation :-) but there was something about the manila lifestyle that didn't feel right to me.. .there was also something about the nature of my work that i totally couldnt wrap my head around... i was planning to leave in october so i can go back to grad school and finish up...well we all know what happens to plans right?

all of a sudden i now find myself preparing to move to sagada...ive only been there once, for my interview which i thought was just a great excuse to go there....i had never really intended to take my application seriously...among all the 8 applicants who were there i was the only one who came without anything but a bag full of tissue and make-up...i brought no extra copies of my resume nor did i bring my school records...but among the 5 applicants for the position, guess who got it...the one without a license to teach got in...

yep that's me...

so i took the job...which means i would have to work and live there for at least 10 months--1 academic school year...it will pay me less than half of what im getting right now from the corporate corporation...but i feel it is something that will bring me double the joy, peace and satisfaction im feeling right now...

so sagada here i come...ready or not...make me or break me, im coming to you...

move # 4 and counting

2008-05-14T23:06:00.005+08:00

move to hawaii was move #1...first time away from home and boy was it a long way from home

move back to the philippines was move #2...

move to manila was move #3...

move out of my bro's house in manila was move #3.5

move to sagada is move #4

it has been said that you have to try things at least once in your life..

with that in mind, i am now trying my luck up in the great mountains of the cordillera in a place called sagada...

no malls

no cinemas

no spas

no cabs

no trikes

no mcdonalds

none of the usual things that distract us from the real life...haha

school staff is impressive...the art teacher is from australia, another one is from the UK , the principal has made it big in IS manila, the IT admin was his former roommate in the Washington State U.

try things at least once in your life people have said

lets see how this pans out

blah...

2008-03-27T15:02:00.003+08:00

i dont know if its the sappy music on the background i can blame or maybe the hot manila summer that makes me feel this way...it may even be the quarter life crisis again, or it might be that i am plain bored with things...

i thought i always knew what i want out of life...ive always had an idea (although vague) of what i want to do , what i want to become and things i want to have, hold and cherish till tsunami we part... well you get the picture....im hitting one of those walls again in the maze called life...in my head I know I need to get out of it, but often I find myself running in great enthusiasm eager to make a run for it, only to hit a wall in the end...in a plot, i know im so close to the climax, but the steepness of the rising action makes me tired that i fall back to the beginnig over and over again...and that makes me tired...and makes me just want to sit and wait and just wish for things to happen to me rather than make things happen...

i find no joy in work...and i thought a switch will make me feel better...it hasn't..it won't...or at least i choose to not let it....i find little excitement living in a place such as this...i am constantly watching my back, my wallet... i am constantly sweating and paying for fresh air...i find no real value in what im doing...i go through the motions of work and feel no sense of pride at what i do...

blah blah blah...

this makes me tired too...

marking anniversaries

2007-04-30T22:50:00.000+08:00

im marking my 3rd year back here in the philippines from hawaii...i just have a thing for marking anniversaries or whatever you call it...i was planning a huge bash for myself , celebrating 3 years of survival back here in the wild...take note, I WAS planning....the day came and i forgot all about it --till now....i love looking back cuz it gives me an opportunity to see where i am from that point in time...now that i have looked back, i realize that there really hasnt been a lot to celebrate about...no, i havent discovered the cure for baldness or published something so magnificent that oprah wanted me to guest in her show...nothing yet at least....

so there, 3 years...what's next? im not really sure....even of that thailand thing...i havent got updates yet but the news has gotten around the deans of the different colleges that i was the only (insane) one who expressed interest to go teach in thailand for a year...it's bound to be an adventure...so i can reset my anniversary count to years back from thailand...till then, i have to keep counting years back from hawaii...

evaluated by students

2005-12-10T14:50:00.000+08:00

every year, students rate my performance as a teacher and also write comments about me

among the past semester's comments are..

now, these are copied as how they appear on the evaluation form

under what i like most about the teacher

she have a wonderful voice
she is beautiful and strict
being fare to student
equality of all the subject
voice presentation, western way of teaching, real college environment ( sometimes i think theyre judging american idol, not evaluating a teacher...haha)
approachable

under what i do not like most about the teacher

very serious ( nothing can be further from the truth---haha)
she's too fast ( so i guess,i'm too fast, too serious??)
she is not a joker, she is a serious person ( gosh, if they'll only see me the way my friends do)
sometimes she is very fast in discussing a certain word that she had written on bored ( written where??)
she is not approachable ( i bet he or she never tried to approach me)
his way in speak

under suggestions to make teaching more effective

she must always see the positive outcome of life ( whadaheck does this mean?)
try to have some jokes ( or perhaps a song about bones??the knee bone is connected to the leg bone, the leg bone is connected to the hip bone kinda thing?)
please teach in a live way ( i lipsync , i guess...haha)
get some suggest of student
have more faith in the Lord almighty ( hmmmmm----pray that they pass the subject?)

and finally under other comments/remarks

she's cool and real
she looks great on her outfit ( so i'm sitting on my outfit , i guess, not in it?)
she is so beautiful ( i just really had to write this down...hahaha)
try to be not too much serious coz i feel nervous everytime i see you in class ( i wonder if he ever peed in fear)
she is so beautiful and kind ( hahaha...i love getting these.. hehehe)
thanks for teaching us . keep up it ( keep up huwaaaaaaaaaaaaht? )

happy holidays or merry christmas

2005-12-10T13:15:00.000+08:00

a Christian group in the US was, to say the least, disappointed on Pres. Bush's preference to send " happy holiday" greeting cards rather than merry christmas....they're also working on changing "holiday sales" to "Christmas sale" and "Winter break" to "Christmas break"....i totally get their drift....
Christmas has been a very adulterated celebration...everyone's in it for the party, not really caring who's celebrating....Christmas symbols represent things which have little relevance to what the season is really about....no, its not about giving, caring, sharing or loving, nor is it about sales, turkey dinners, bonfires.. i mean they're part of the whole thing....just parts---
Christmas is all about the birth of Christ....the message of the season is the He is alive....thus, Christ in Christmas....holiday sounds great, but no,its not enough to capture what the celebration is all about...

vacation whajamathingies

2005-03-26T20:45:00.000+08:00

a vacation can do wonders for you. for 4 days, i listened to nobody's thoughts but my own. for starters, it was a challenge not being able to fully understand the prevailing language spoken where i went and second, i chose to be alone with my thoughts.
a couple of things dawned on me. first, i'm getting older and that i need to be earning more.second, life, as we know it is beautiful. theres just so many things in life taken for granted.three, i'm gonna try to be like my grandma.she's probably one of the hardest working people you'll meet in your entire life. i'm guessing she's in her mid 80's. her posture is really stooped but she works at the farm every single day. staying home would only make her sick. so, she works.work truly is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
so--all that in four days.
i love vacations. i love living with other people (though they may hate it) .it puts a lot of things in proper perspective.

taking a much needed break

2005-02-20T22:34:00.000+08:00

i'm hoping no student of mine would actually stumble to this page before tomorrow....this semester's actually more manageable than the last time...only that, i'm doing grad school right now ....however, true to my contradictory self, i'm taking a break tomorrow....i just feel i need time for my self...the past 7 weeks have been a blur stuff in school, church callings and stuff....i cant hear myself think anymore...

everybody deserves a break once in a while....ideally, i'd go to a beach and stay there til i'm dehydrated...but, i guess i can do that at home too...

oh well....

wasting time

2005-01-20T00:32:00.000+08:00

i spent close to 3 hours surfin on friendster.pathetic?definitely. my social life is completely virtual (no pun intended).

but thinking about it, it wasn't a total waste of time. see, i got to see my friends' stuff posted on line. i reread for the nth time the things written of me. if i read it more often, maybe i'll take what they say as truth.

i would actually choose knitting over anything else.it gives me some sense of productivity.i am actually creating something.

i was watching this stupid movie a while ago and it said something like " you should act the way you feel"....boY!if everybody took that advice, i'd imagine chaos all over the place.well, maybe, sweetness and whatnots, but mostly chaos.

i miss my friends dearly. i think about them everyday. i pray for their happiness,cuz their happiness is my happiness as well.

drama aside, i really should be researching for my grad school class.but i'm totally not in the mood for it.so, i might as well sleep.

au revoir!

to test and be tested...

2005-01-13T19:22:00.000+08:00

i took my first grad school test....my first test in uhhh--about 7 months...its so weird....i'm not used to studying for a test anymore, especially now that i also make tests...
oh well....test it is....

all work and no play means money....

2005-01-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

ei been a while...work does this to me....

lifes been well....

just something i read from robert frost that goes sumthin like this

i can summarize everything that i've learned about life in 3 words"it goes on"

and it does..

alas!the joy of work

2005-01-05T15:52:00.000+08:00

work is the ultimate aphrodisiac to a really dull life....

we had frogs in class today
it's funny that college age men even fear frogs

oh well...
i had some entertainment and i got to tell them that frogs do not have penises.they seemed surprised.

goals and root canal treatments

2005-01-01T19:19:00.000+08:00

spencer w. kimball, a religious leader once said that our lives should be goal oriented.
it should really....we should know where we're heading so we can plot how to get there and once we're there, we keep heading somewhere we haven't been to before....

and a little on me....
i'm scheduled for a root canal treatment on tuesday....boy thats gonna hurt!...i have to deal with my lopsided smile till then...actually, i find it hard to smile...

blog to the world

2004-12-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

if there was a country to describe me, i'd be haiti
a living contradiction of a once strong nation now reduced to a country of woe.

burthday blues

2004-12-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

i am happy for a friend's ascent to bliss
few things give me joy such as this

a few thoughts came to mind thinking bout this......this is in no way connected to my friend's ascent to bliss but my own uhm--whatever....

a fat guy at ally mcbeal once said
would you marry someone not because she's the one but because she's the only?

and he also said
you can't win a raffle if you don't buy a ticket

and lastly he said,
sometimes, when you hold out too much, you end up with nothing

2004-12-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

tired gongs,,,tired feet

aging with dignity

2004-12-28T23:19:00.000+08:00

in a couple of minutes, i'll be turning a year older...thats one more year of uh--life celebrated...lifes been good...its been tough, but it's aight...
i ve learned a lot of things from school and uh--work....but theres also a couple of things i ve learned from oprah...i know it sounds pathetic..but yes oprah's full of wisdom...
oprah once said that forgiveness is giving up the hope that things couldve been different...
thus i resolve to forgive myself...things could be different....but life goes on regardless of how we feel about it....